Wow! It’s been over six months since I wrote about our family here. Time flies.
So why did I drop out of the mommy blog scene?
I posted “Is it time to quit blogging?” in January. My Princess is 16 now. Sharing her stories doesn’t feel right anymore. They just aren’t mine to tell. They probably never were.
So many of her stories intertwine with her friends now and sharing those really doesn’t feel right.
Plus, I was honestly just tired. Burnt out. I blogged nearly daily for five years. Being open and vulnerable wore me down.
Because some people are mean.
I was shamed and bullied and judged and ridiculed pretty much daily.
Probably by some of you reading.
And it sucked.
And I got tired of it.
I wanted to protect my daughter’s privacy and doing that while being free to be myself on the Internet was also becoming tiresome.
So I mostly packed up shop here at Last Mom.
I archived thousands of posts. It took me days.
Maybe they will be back.
Hopefully they will be back, at least in some form.
Even after a six month break, I’m still trying to figure out what to do here.
The return of the mom blogger?
Soooooo…..having just reiterated my reasons for quitting blogging…..why am I posting?
I miss you guys! I miss this Last Mom community! I miss hearing our family has helped or inspired you.
You’ve watched Princess grow so much – cheered and supported her from afar. I want to give you a little update into what’s been happening with us.
I do post on the Last Mom Facebook page fairly frequently, so make sure you’re following over there.
Here’s some quick updates. Let me know if there are other things you’re curious about.
Pets are all the same. Four cats, one dog. Milo moved outside permanently about a year ago, which is something he’d been trying for since he was a kitten. We finally gave up chasing him around then neighborhood every time he dashed out the door and let him have his way. Yeah, his love for peeing on EVERYTHING inside and attacking the other cats made that decision easier. (Yes, he’d been to the vet. He’s just a jerk.) He loves being an outdoor cat and gets lots of love and attention. He chooses not to leave our yard and is our welcome committee whenever we return home from wherever we’ve been. All the other animals are doing fine.
Hubster was falling apart with lots of health issues (physical and mental), so I talked him into quitting his very taxing job in January. He’s spent some time healing and is now starting work figuring out what’s next. Princess has loved having a stay at home dad.
(former) BFF and her mom:
Princess received an extremely long message from BFF after about nine months of silence. It was heartfelt and heartbreaking. She wrote of missing Princess and our family and how hard it was for her to be expected to just forget we ever existed. She apologized for actions that hurt Princess and said she desperately wanted her in her life. I reached out to BFF’s mom and asked for a meeting mom to mom, without the girls. She didn’t respond. I actually tried to communicate with her a few times. No response. She allowed BFF to meet Princess at the mall for a few hours once about six month ago. Princess had a good time and the girls have stayed in touch via social media, but it isn’t and can’t be the same.
Princess’s first family:
I’m still in contact with Princess’s first mom here and there. Princess knows she can have communication if/when she’s ready. We’re in pretty frequent contact with her oldest sister, who recently had a baby. Princess loved shopping for her little nephew. We know how to reached two other siblings as well.
LuLaRoe and freelance writing:
I backed off writing almost entirely to focus on building a LuLaRoe business for a year. That was a mistake. I’m now in the process of reversing it – closing down my LuLaRoe business and trying to rebuild my writing career.
I’ve been having a hard time. I’m just feeling kind of lost, unfulfilled and unhappy in general. So much of my identity is linked to Princess who is now growing up and needing me in different ways. I’m not really sure who I am anymore. I got lost along the way of parenting my amazing girl. Plus, I had a failed business and Hubster in big transition this year, so I’m just kind of feeling unsure, unfocused and like I lost my footing.
This is the part I know you really want to read about!
Princess is amazing – but you already knew that!
School, friends, etc.
She’s sixteen and wrapped up 10th grade on the honor roll. Actually, she was on the honor roll all year with almost all A’s.
She got her driver’s license and went on her first job interview (Rue 21). She didn’t get the job, which is good because she’s keeping really busy with lots of volunteer work at the hospital and taking dual enrollment summer classes at the local college.
She has a small group of close friends. She loves her school and hardly missed any days this past year.
She had a pretty rough bout of depression the last few months of the school year. It was hard and scary. I didn’t see the light some days.
But she pulled through.
There were several medication adjustments with her psychiatrist. We found a therapist she seems to click with. The support staff at school did exactly what they’re there for – supported her. And she had a couple of great friends she knew she could count on, in addition to mom and dad.
One of those friends is a boy. They became pals in 9th grade. They hung out a couple of times that school year. The movies. The county fair. They Facetimed here and there.
Then they became closer friends in 10th grade. He started hanging out at our house on winter break and has basically never left. They became the best of friends. She lets him really see her – all of it. He’s seen her at her absolute weakest and absolute wonkiest.
She screams at him that she hates him and never wants to see him again.
He knows she’s afraid of losing his friendship and so she’s pushing him away in fear, so he hugs her and says, “See ya tomorrow, Bestie.”
I don’t know if Princess would have made it through her recent dark months without him. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. He helped her be safe and talked her off the edge when I couldn’t. He was an amazing support. And to me, too.
Things have gotten complicated this summer. They realized they are more than typical friends. They aren’t sure what that means or what they want it to mean. They are both terrified of losing each other and don’t want their friendship to be the victim of a nasty high school break up.
So they are in limbo. Together. But not. Committed to each other, but not in the traditional boyfriend/girlfriend definition. Or at least not with the words.
Cuz labels are scary and make things too real.
So it’s complicated and messy.
And, of course, I’m way too attached to this awesome kid who has been so good to my girl.
So I’m sure my heart will get broken, too.
But for now we stock the house with his favorite snacks and include him on most of our adventures.
Princess is smart, funny. loud, sassy, full of energy, caring and opinionated. I hear people describe her as “magnetic.” She loves Netflix, makeup, helping others, shopping, going to the beach and playing board games. She took both boxing and archery classes, until needing to step back when depression made it too hard to be in those settings. Hubster told people she was training to be an assassin. She’s adored by her friends and our house usually has at least one bonus teenager around.
Am I back?
SO am I back to blogging here at Last Mom? I’d like to. I’m just still trying to figure out what that would look like. What it would mean for Princess and our family.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.