Family drama: When your mother betrays you over an estate

file000637797981 Family drama: When your mother betrays you over an estate

MAJOR family drama going on here.

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know we’ve had some major, hurtful issues with Hubster’s mom.  Her husband threw very childish fits with Princess more than once the first months she was with us, including calling her names.  But not like the names he called Hubster….he called our house and screamed profanities at him so loudly one day that Princess heard it through the phone in another room.  This attack was in response to Hubster calling him out on a rude and crazy comment he left on my blog (which he found on his own).

Hubster told his mom her husband was no longer welcome to be part of our world.  In return, she decided to remove herself as well, blaming Princess,  the 9-year-old little girl who had been with us a whopping six months.  She couldn’t handle the stress of Princess’s behavior and didn’t agree with our parenting, she said.   (This was so much crap because Princess doesn’t let her issues show in front of other people.  The most she saw was some hyperactivity and pouting.)

So fast forward three years.

Hubster’s dad died in February. They were very close.  Hubster’s mom was furious that she wasn’t told he was sick.  Even though she’s been remarried for a decade, they were still friends.

The thing is, he specifically told Hubster not to tell her.  Hubster wasn’t even supposed to tell me.  He didn’t want anyone to know.

Hubster was the executor of the will with me as the secondary.  We didn’t go through probate because his dad had set everything up to be easy peasy.  For example, he signed his car over to Hubster before he died.  The house was still in both Hubster’s parent’s names, so his mother was entitled to the house.  However, his father was very clear that everything inside was Hubster’s.

Father-in-law’s new wife of seven months was living in it.   So Hubster left furniture, artwork, the hot tub, the kitchen items, etc. at the house for her to use until she found her own place.  Even after she blew up and said I was a terrible person, he agreed to let her continue using the items.  (Don’t worry about the wife.  Hubster’s father left her plenty of cash, plus the funds in their joint bank account.)

Hubster’s mom and stepmom both agreed verbally and in email that they knew these were his belongings, per his father’s wishes.

Several months ago, I reached out to his mom via email to try to get the lines of communication going again.  Hubster is still mourning his father hard. He’s an only child. His mother is the only family he has other than Princess and I.

She didn’t want her husband to know she’s been in touch with us, but Hubster exchanged a few emails and a phone call with her.  They were building a bridge.

Until she decided to set it on fire.

And stab him in the back.

And stomp on his heart.

We received an email from her Friday morning.  She said his father’s wife moved out of the house without notice.  She has already sold the house!

All of this went on without her calling or emailing Hubster with a heads up.  She caught the wife as she was about to pull out with the moving truck.  Not a word to Hubster.

We don’t know what father-in-law’s wife took, but Hubster’s mom acknowledged there was stuff left in the house that she dispensed of on her own – again, without talking to Hubster (kept some, sold some with the house, etc.).

Hubster had photos still in the house and other personal items of his dad’s that were very important to him.

His dad’s ashes were also still there, which his mother acknowledged were left behind and that she has.   Hubster had plans to do what his father wanted with them (half on the beach, half on the softball field).   They are being held hostage.  She thinks she’s entitled to her ex-husband’s ashes more than his son, for some crazy reason.

There were thousands of dollars worth of items that Hubster was going to sell – because that’s what his father told him to do.  We were looking forward to putting the hot tub on our own patio.  A family friend has some of the items listed on Ebay, but unfriended both Hubster and I on Facebook and denies his part in any of this.  He obviously got them either from Hubster’s mom or stepmom.

It’s just stuff, but it’s stuff he was robbed of.  Stuff his father wanted him to have that was stolen from him.

By his own mother.

And stepmother.

People who knew his father’s wishes.

Hubster is devastated.  The pain of this betrayal is crushing.

Obviously, the relationship with his mother -who thinks she did nothing wrong – is finished.   His stepmother isn’t answering her phone or returning emails.  No surprise there.

I don’t think there’s much point in hiring an attorney.  We didn’t make lists or take photos of the items that were left behind.  We have no proof.

What kind of person steals her ex-husband’s ashes from her own son?

This is beyond family drama.

This is just evil.

I’ve been telling Hubster not to let it eat him up because Princess and I need all of him, but he’s obviously having a very difficult time.

We all live minutes from each other.  If Princess wasn’t so rooted, I’d strongly push to pack up and move far away so we don’t have to risk seeing Hubster’s mom, her husband, his dad’s wife or the so-called family friend (who has a child at Princess’s school – also in band).

The whole thing is sickening.

By the way, I know both read this blog.  Because I trusted Hubster’s father’s wife at one point – and because she betrayed that trust long ago by giving the link to mother-in-law.  

Comments

  1. says

    Oh my goodness. Oh.. seriously? This is just so horrible. Honey, I am so sorry Hubster, you and Princess have been treated so poorly and with so little respect and regard. His father too. It takes a special kind of evil to do this hateful act. Wishing you all peace.

    • Last Mom says

      Thank you. It’s hard. I tell Princess “mad” is just a feeling other feelings hide behind, but I feel pretty darn angry.

  2. says

    That is so terrible! Family is SUPPOSED to be the people who you can count on, so they OBVIOUSLY aren’t family. I believe in karma and I hope it kicks their asses.

    • Last Mom says

      Yup, hoping for some good karma to come our way after it takes care of them. But then again, we really do have a lot – we have our house, each other, Princess, you guys. Good stuff.

  3. Naomi says

    I”m so sorry.

    So many family feuds are started or exacerbated over grief. Grieving people are not rational. And sometimes their worst natures come into play. I’m so sorry that your family is experiencing this.

  4. Turtle Mom says

    So sorry for what you are going through. You are a much better person than I because I would have called the police and reported the items as stolen, as well as contacted Ebay to report the same. My dad’s widow gave his valuable fishing tackle and tackle box to her son, when it legally should have gone to my brother. She claimed it was lost, but my sister saw it at her son’s, who bragged about his new items. She remarried shortly after my dad passed away and never gave us the items he had left at their condo. My dad didn’t have anything of real value, but he had sentimental items and photos that we, his children, wanted back. Photos that cannot be replaced. My dad’s mother left the bulk of her estate to my aunt, with my dad receiving about 1 percent of what his sister received. Family dynamics can be really painful at times. Hugs to you, Hubster and Princess.

    • Last Mom says

      Sorry you had to deal with family drama yourself. I would have called the police or taken legal action if we had more proof. PSA: Take photos and make lists if you’re ever in a similar situation!

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